There’s a lot to be said for self-delusionment when it comes to matters of the heart.-Frolov

November 17, 2009

I think most of us have gone through times in our lives when it seems like someone truly special coming into our lives is just never going to happen.  The websites show the same old tired profiles (and seriously, I think some of those folks are going to be single for the rest of their lives…it may just be the anonymity of the Web, but if you’re trying to meet someone, acting like a flake is NOT the best way to proceed!), and bars…well…beer goggles are not always our friends.  I think that some people have forgotten the best ways to meet other singles with similar interests, and sometimes the best relationships don’t start with a spark but with a smile.  So before I get into listing some great events, here’s some sound advice from a gal who never stays single for long:

1. Get involved.  I can’t tell you how many great singles I have met from doing volunteer work.  Let’s face facts–if you’re looking to meet someone who likes the same things you do, it’s a lot easier if you join a group of some kind where you will meet others with the same interests and passions.  Join an arts council, volunteer at a shelter, help out on a campaign.

2. Save the drama for your mama!  Nothing turns off a potential partner faster than airing out all your dirty laundry!  It’s one thing to be truthful, but it’s quite another to spend all your time whining and crying about loves gone wrong, financial problems, and workplace woes.

3.  Hygiene.  Need I say more?  Most people are incredibly turned off by nasty teeth, bad breath, greasy hair, and unkempt clothing.  If you haven’t been on a date in a really long time, this may be a factor!

4.  Being selfish or too selfless.  A partnership is about two people…don’t be too pushy and don’t give in all the time, either!

5.  Being a disaster.  If you can’t get your act together, a quality partner is not going to spend their time doing it for you.

6.  Don’t judge too harshly.  I see way too many folks who won’t date someone because they don’t look like a model.  Most of you who read this are a little more mature anyway, and trust me, ain’t NONE of us perfect.

7.  Trying too hard.  This is another one I see all the time from my “admirers”.  Incessant emails, calls, and offers to do things ALL THE TIME can get a bit trying, to say the least.  Act like a friend, not a sick puppy in need of attention.

8.  Do NOT spell out in detail all the things you’d physically like to do to a potential mate.  I can’t tell you how many guys have sent me some pretty graphic messages over the years…including one who kept emailing me EXACTLY how he’d like to make me the mother of his children.

9.  Manners and decorum.  This should go without saying.

10.  Don’t lie.  It may be tempting to “dress up” some things to impress a mate, but trust me–in time, all will be revealed.

Don’t get me wrong–there’s nothing that beats the euphoria of a new relationship.  However, that burning flame will soon fizzle if it’s not based on something more substantial.

Have a great “bad date” story?  I’d love to hear it!  Email me at cheapdateli@gmail.com and the “winners” may find themselves featured here (anonymously, of course!).

Mine seems to be a recurring thing and doesn’t qualify as a date, but I seem to attract the “gentlemen” (I use that term VERY loosely) who out of nowhere grab me around the waist, bend me over backwards and plant one on me, telling me and my friends, “I decided I was going to kiss the prettiest girl here.”  Um, yeah, newsflash, you morons…that does NOT get a girl’s heart all a-flutter, and doing that has just ruined your chances with every other female in the place.  Look ahead before you liplock, ok?

I’m lucky enough to be in a relationship with a great guy, but it’s amazing the things I see when out with the galpals!  Guys, I’m sure you have a few things to add…let me know!

And now, for something completely different…

Like wine?  Want to meet singles?  The Singles Cafe was kind enough to let me know about two great events this week!  (Thanks, Loretta!) One, they are having a meeting this Thursday at Middle Country Library…I’ve met some of the folks and they are really nice.  It’s definitely worth checking out!  Two, they are offering FREE tickets to a Singles Mingle this weekend at Martha Clara Vineyards…check out their blog and get your tickets by clicking here!

Not sure where to find groups that you might be interested in joining?  Or maybe you would like to start one of your own as you don’t know of other people who share your interests?  MeetUp is a great social networking tool that has groups for foodies, folkies, wine nuts, wired-ups, and more…and VolunteerMatch has listings of all kinds where you can help others!

Question:  Do you think Cheap Date should start its own MeetUp group for no pressure single mingle events?  From events that range from nature walks to cinematic events to wine tours?  Let me know!

Looking for someplace to go for Happy Hour that isn’t your typical bar scene?  Blue Point Brewery has a tasting room with free samples and affordable pints of microbrew, and often features live music, events, and more.  Check their website for info.

Like live music where the performers can play more than three chords and no one is screaming profanities at you?  (Yes, I am getting old…) Acoustic Music Scene is my source for finding out the best gigs!

While we’re on the topic of music, don’t miss this great event this weekend!  The Patchogue Theatre’s Second Annual Folk Festival has something for everyone…make sure you catch the afternoon showcase of the best local singer/songwriters for FREE (the evening show, however, still has a few tickets available!)

All for now…I’ll be back next week with some great Thanksgiving week events!

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